I may have found the one!

I'm very excited as I type this post. I may very well have found the "one" - the intended parents of a baby I may be carrying in the future. Here's what's happened since my last post.

Shortly after my last post, I visited a multitude of surrogacy forums, websites and agencies. I found one website that was like a classified ad for people looking for surrogates. I bravely put my name, age, brief description and phone number up for the world to see. Within a few hours, I had received three calls. One was from California from a man who I could not hear and who had a very thick accent. I couldn't understand him, he couldn't understand me, it was a disaster. All I could hear was "surrogacy" so I knew where he got my number. I decided not to pursue that lead since it was 3,000 miles away and there was a definite language barrier. Sorry, guy.

The second response I got was from a couple in West Virginia. I actually spoke to them twice on the phone and then through e-mail. The mother told me that after she gave birth to their daughter, her insides ruptured and she had to have everything removed. They were devastated because they wanted to expand their family. They went with a surrogate a few years ago who actually carried their son to near term when he, tragically, passed away in the womb. I felt so bad for them and so badly wanted to help. They sent me a long questionnaire that I gladly filled out.

The problem? They asked what my faith was. I'm atheist. I said "none". They wanted me to elaborate, so I did in a very respectful manner. They wanted more details. I was as polite and respectful as I could be. "I was raised as a Christian Baptist but went down a separate path and found that faith wasn't for me." I mean, how else could I have put it? That's when they pulled the ignorance card. One of the other questions was about tattoos. Yes, I have five. Three are tiny, two are large. Three are dragon-themed because I've always loved dragons, they're my "thing". The intended parents asked me if my love of dragons and tattoos stemmed from my atheism. 

Really?

I chose not to be offended but it was still a little obnoxious. 

My response:

Actually, I've loved dragons since I was a little girl. I'm an artist and they were my favorite thing to draw. My biggest tattoo is of a dragon I drew many years ago and it's very unique and really expresses my personality.  

"We're concerned of your lack of faith because faith is everything to us and we would want our child to listen to gospel music while in the womb."

I mean, you're paying me money to grow your baby. You dictate what I eat, how I exercise and if you want me to blast gospel music, by golly I will. It's really not an issue. My baby got to listen to heavy metal when I was pregnant, but that's because being an atheist dictates that I must sacrifice babies to Satan and fire-breathing dragons. (not my actual response, don't worry)

I didn't receive a message back. Oh well, I didn't think they were the "one".

So then I received a call from a lady in Maryland. She said her and her husband tried for well over 15 years for a baby and were determined to have one or more. I told her I was willing to carry up to three. She started acting condescending. 

"So, you live in Virginia?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, that's not a surrogacy-friendly state."

"It's not? I thought it was...."

"No. It's not. You should really live closer to your intended parents."

(What, did she expect me to up and live next door to her while I was growing her kid(s)?")

"Well, uh... Maryland's only 4 hours from me. I'm willing to travel as long as my gas is compensated."

"That's a pretty far drive. How will you take off from work? What do you do?"

"Oh, it's not that bad. I like to drive. All I would need to do is let my manager know a week or so in advance. And I'm a waitress."

"Oh so you don't make a lot of money."

(Really?!)

"Ha, well, no. Not a lot. But I get by pretty good. I've been there almost 4 years."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"Well, what if it's a last-minute need to drive?"

"Well, it's really easy to release shifts to other servers. People are always willing to pick up."

"I see. How will that affect you financially?"

"I actually budget quite well. I'm studying to be an Accountant so I need to practice what I preach! Heh."

"Oh, so you're in school too? How will you have time to be a surrogate?"

"I ... um ... I'm on summer break right now but it's something I can balance quite well. I worked full time right up to the day I had my daughter. I worked two jobs, went to school full time and raised my baby. I'm a full-plate kind of person. I like the challenge!"

"Huh. Well. As you may know, MOST surrogates are stay-at-home moms who rely on their husbands financially."

"Well, I'm different. I've never relied on anyone financially, even my husband when we were together. I'm pretty independent."

"Huh. I see. Well, let me do some research and I'll call you back."

She never called back and I'm glad as hell. She was cold, heartless and almost sounded like she was trying to tell me what to do. Whatever.

I was starting to think this may not work out, especially after one of the three agencies I applied to refused me due to my history of depression.

Who's not depressed in this day and age? Seriously.

But just a few days ago, I got a text from a woman with my area code. She lives in my area, has three kids but had a partial hysterectomy and wants to give a baby to her new husband. We've been talking back and forth and we're really hitting it off. She said they don't have a lot of money but I said I was negotiable. As far as I see it, I want to do this, she wants to do this, we live in the same CITY so no traveling for either of us and even if I take a pay cut to do this, it will benefit me. How? Well, if I've already completed one successful surrogacy, I'll be more of a prize to others or to agencies. It's a win win for everyone! And it doesn't hurt that his lady is kind, compassionate and is the opposite of condescending. It seems we all want the same end game, so that's what's making me think she's the one.

She still needs to find out if she's able to have her eggs harvested, but from the research I've done since our last conversation, she shouldn't have any problems. I told her that I still need to find out if my oven is fit for baking. I'm sure we'll know something soon :)

Crossing my fingers. Wish me luck!

I found a new path.

I know it's been a little bit since I updated. 

I wasn't pregnant after all. AF arrived five days late. I'm unsure if I had a possible chemical pregnancy or just a really bad case of line-eye, although other women backed me up on the lines they saw. I'll never know for sure.

With all that being said, I'm making an announcement.

I've decided to pursue my dream of becoming a gestational surrogate for a loving couple.

This may seem shocking, but I actually pursued it last year when I had an epiphany: I wanted to do something great for this world, and I didn't mind "sacrificing" my body in the process. However, in order to do so, I needed to lose weight. I had begun losing weight and actually got down to my lowest weight in six years, 190 pounds. I looked heavily into surrogacy because 1. I need to begin my daughter's college fund and 2. I would love to give another person the best gift in the world - the gift of becoming a parent. I know how it feels to think you'll never be one, and to think I could give that to someone else fills my heart with love. I knew I was doing it for all the right reasons and that's what made it all "click" for  me. So I was hooked up with an agency and even got to speak to my intended parents. Everything was going well until they asked and I disclosed that yes, my husband has a mental disorder but he takes medication for it. They sent me all these heavy forms he needed to fill out and he pretty much said "to hell with it, I'm not doing it". I tried to explain to him that if a couple trusted me to carry their baby, they would need to trust the man I live with as well. It makes perfect sense. My husband is quite touchy when it comes to his personal affairs, so he didn't do it. Sadly, the whole thing fell through and I was heartbroken.

Here I stand today at a crossroads in my marriage. A few things have happened and we've gone our separate ways for now, unfortunately. I still feel this calling in my heart and I really wish to pursue this.... and I just may.

Today I'm 208.8 pounds. I've lost nearly 10 pounds in the past three weeks. If I can get down to 195, I'll only be overweight and no longer obese. The agency I went through before would only accept a BMI of 29.9 or lower. I'm currently at 31.1 and losing steadily.

You may be thinking the big question here: How do you think you can carry a baby for someone else if you're having problems getting pregnant? 

I can answer that easily. PCOS does not hinder my ability to carry a baby. It simply hinders my ability to get pregnant in the first place. PCOS causes a woman, in most cases, to not drop an egg. You can't get preggo without an eggo! Aside from that, this whole TTC #2 journey has honestly been one big question mark. I've never used OPKs so I honestly don't even know if I'm ovulating on my own at all, even with the Clomid. As for all my "squinter" pregnancy tests, I truly believe I have the world's worst line-eye and I was probably not pregnant on any of those cycles and to the women who said they saw a line, either they had bad line-eye too or they were just pep-talking me. And finally, my husband has a rare birth defect that can cause infertility in men. He has never seen a specialist about it so we don't know 100% what his situation is down there, but all we know is that at least one time, he got very lucky and at least one time, my eggo decided to pop out and bam - we got pregnant. Our baby was truly a one in a million shot. And if you're unaware, with a gestational surrogacy, the woman carrying the baby is not genetically linked to the child. I would be using another couple's egg and sperm combo, artificially combined in a laboratory. (Yay science!) So the fact I have this disorder wouldn't matter. I mean, it matters because my uterus is not in tip-top shape, but it's not a factor that will hinder my ability to get pregnant.

I'm pretty excited about this and hope it all works out. Cross your fingers for me.